Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
