she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
