i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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