Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
