I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
