Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No more Irish car bombs ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
