I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
