You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
