I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
