I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
