Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
