At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
