a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
