i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize