wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
