Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
FUCK WHALES
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize