I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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