you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
