Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
