I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is wine microwaveable?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
