I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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