considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
