i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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