Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
