I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm too high and old for this...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
