What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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