How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
