do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
