Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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