i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
