Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
