You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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