My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
