Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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