Farmville is her only friend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
