we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
