I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
40s are totally the cure
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
