Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
