she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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