how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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