WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
