we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
