My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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