i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
id be glad to
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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