well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
