butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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