Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
