Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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