My room smells like vodka and shame
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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