Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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