The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
