We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
