we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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