When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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