You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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