I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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