Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
