I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
