You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
