Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
