So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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