And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
