I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
