New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
