So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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