all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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