If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
