So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
