Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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