the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
