True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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